(I came up with the title first, now let's see how well I can make a love story out of it...)
There was once a fair and beautiful ostrich, long ago in the times of darkness and cherry sandwiches. She was a beautiful creature, with solemn features and deep, soulful eyes. Unfortunately, she was cursed, for she had fallen in love with a human.
He was such a striking fellow, as well. With that luscious light hair and that robust figure, how could she not have fallen in love with him? Ever since she first laid eyes on him while watching TV through a store window, she could not take her mind off of him. She truly loved him, and she was determined to be with her true love before the year was over.
She first found out his name by watching the show as often as she could manage. It was hard to do this, however, since most people did not like ostriches hanging around their store, and she had to do without the audio. Finally, though, she succeeded, and if she had had hands, she would have grasped that precious name to her chest for days on end. She had to find her beloved Andy Richter...
Her next task was to find out where this wonderful man lived, and she searched for months in hopes of finding out where to find that red-haired talk show host named Conan, for if she found him, then her beloved Andy would surely not be far behind. After a long time, she finally succeeded, and she made her way to Los Angeles to try and get into Stage 15 to meet her beloved as the red-haired man's new show entered its final preparations. After a long and arduous journey, she found her way onto the set and hid up above them, waiting for her love to appear.
Finally, she spotted that robust figure entering the stage for a rehearsal, and she made her move. She would leap down and land in his arms, and they would live together in marital bliss for all eternity.
Unfortunately, her aim was off. Instead of landing in Andy's arms, she landed on his head, and the two of them fell to the ground. She was devastated. Her plan was ruined. But she was no ordinary ostrich. Oh, no. She was a very special ostrich who had a very powerful spirit looking after her. This spirit saw her devastation and did the kindest thing it could possibly do. It gave her a way to spend four nights a week watching over her beloved.
Before Andy or anyone else could see what had fallen on his head, the ostrich exploded in an enormous burst of feathers and glitter (the spirit had an artistic side, you see). There was nothing left of the ostrich but her soul, which the spirit placed within the moon on Conan's set. From there, the ostrich was able to watch over her beloved Andy Richter from her new moon body, and she was happy.
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