Sunday, April 24, 2011

Daily Story 101 - Toilets in Space II: Origins

Many aboard the spaceship wondered how the toilets came to be in space, and why they were able to communicate so clearly and concisely. This was a difficult question to answer, however, and nobody on board the ship was willing to approach the toilets and ask them, for they feared they would offend the toilets, and that did not seem like a very good idea.

It was the captain who found the perfect solution to their dilemma. He casually approached the lead toilet and suggested they go for a walk around the ship. The toilet agreed, but only if it could be placed on a platform with wheels and be pulled along by someone due to the fact that toilets are terrible at walking for some pretty obvious reasons. The captain was more than willing to accommodate the lead toilet, and soon he was walking through the enormous spaceship alongside the lead toilet, who was being pulled along by a goat that had a small Mexican boy riding on its back and giving it directions. The Mexican boy served no purpose other than to fill an unnecessary and most likely offensive stereotype onboard the ship, so the others paid no heed to him, as he was from Mexico and therefore spoke Mexican Spanish, which was not the language of the command crew. They spoke English, because that seems to be the language of choice for being fancy and important nowadays, and because the writer of this tale is a native English speaker and therefore wishes to make life easy for herself. She would also like to point out that there is probably no need for the Mexican boy riding a goat to pull the wheeled platform the lead toilet was sitting on, as a super-gigantic spaceship that can afford to have Mexican boys that ride goats would probably be able to afford fancy moving walkways or self-propelled wheeled platforms, but the writer thought it would be funny to include a stupid, pointless stereotype in this story because, quite honestly, it is about anthropomorphic self-aware toilets on a spaceship so clearly there is no point in trying to be realistic.

The lead toilet spoke much about its own life, how it it been born a small drain pipe, how it had grown through the years until it had finally matured into an adult toilet, how it had once gotten a chip on its seat from a rough game of capture the flag... all stories that seemed more fitting for an adult human than a toilet, and yet the toilet did not seem to notice the strange nature of its tales. The captain was downright perplexed by the end of their conversation, and he returned to the command center with absolutely no idea what to make of it. However, while it was indeed nonsensical, it was in fact the information the captain had been looking for. The only problem was, nobody had any idea what to do with it.

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