Friday, April 22, 2011

Daily Story 82 - The Epic Battle of Pens

(Click here to witness the Annoying Dolphin Pen in action.)

There were many pens that lived in the land of Dormaroomia. There were fountain pens, erasable pens, cheap pens, an annoying clicker pen that made dolphin noises when clicked, and many other writing instruments that were not specifically pens but shared many common features. There were, for instance, permanent markers, washable markers, dry erase markers, scented markers, gel sticks, pencils, crayons, bottles of glitter glue, paintbrushes, and even a ruler and a stapler who liked to pretend they were writing utensils from time to time. Of course, it was rather obvious that they were nothing of the sort, but they had spirit and the actual writing utensils had to respect them for that, so they tended to play along with the act as the ruler and stapler scribbled furiously on paper, and they pretended to be amazed by the color-less indentations that the ruler and the stapler left on the paper.

One day, however, the annoying dolphin pen decided that it did not approve of the ruler and the stapler trying to fit in when they were clearly meant to have other purposes in the Dormaroomian economy. The annoying dolphin pen did not want a ruler trying to write when there were lengths to be measured and straight lines to be made, and the annoying dolphin especially did not want a stapler trying to write when there were papers that needed to be stapled together before they were separated and rearranged in the wrong order. The annoying dolphin pen was furious that these two items were trying to take on a job that was not meant for them.

The annoying dolphin was not alone in its opinion. Many others wished that the stapler and the ruler would stop trying to write like a pen, because that was just not fair to the rest of the writing utensils who could actually write. They banded together with the annoying dolphin pen to make a rule that only true writing utensils could participate in the honorable task of writing.

However, many were also opposed to the opinion of the annoying dolphin pen. What was so bad about the ruler and the stapler trying to write? After all, there was hardly anything for them to do, as their functions were limited and there was little in the land of Dormaroomia that needed to be stapled, measured, or given a straight line. There was no need to force the stapler and the ruler into behaving like they should at all times. They deserved to have some fun every once in a while.

Not only that, but what constituted a true writing utensil? This question was particularly prevalent within the group of paintbrushes, gel sticks, and dry-erase markers, whose functions were limited to very specific types of mark-making. In fact, without paint, the paintbrushes were about as good at writing as the stapler and the ruler. Did that make them unfit for the duties of writing?

The annoying dolphin pen was infuriated by these lesser utensils trying to disprove his theory. How could they cheapen the great, noble art of writing? Who did they think they were? It was absolutely outrageous. And so, it called forth all true writing utensils, the pens, the pencils, and the markers, and even some of the crayons - for while they were not quite as worthy of being true writing utensils as the annoying dolphin pen would have liked, it knew that they would be valuable assets in this struggle for the true writerhood to regain its former honor - and decreed that any other utensil caught writing would be banished to the closet floor, where they would likely never be seen again until spring.

This decree did not go unchallenged, however. There were many utensils left that were not a part of the annoying dolphin pen's troop of 'true' writing utensils, and they banded together to fight for their rights. What made the annoying dolphin pen, who made such annoying sounds and could not be given a refill without the help of a screwdriver, so much more qualified to write than the gel sticks, or the dry-erase markers, or the paintbrushes, or even the glitter glue? They were determined to fight for their rights, and they would fight until the bitter end.

The war began late one evening, and it lasted until morning, when the stapler cried out for silence and asked the annoying dolphin pen, "When was the last time you actually wrote anything?"

The annoying dolphin pen was stunned into silence. It had no idea how to answer that question, for it did not remember when it had last written anything. It became depressed, but the stapler comforted it with a pat on the back (it was a very talented and flexible stapler) and said, "You are still a true writing utensil, though you have not written for so long. I know I am nothing more than a mere stapler, and I know I cannot create more than a few indentations on a sheet of paper, but like the paintbrushes, and the glitter glue, and the erasable pens and permanent markers, I exist to create. I create organization, and you create markings that can be interpreted as letters or symbols, or even part of a drawing, should you be asked to do so. We are all made for that purpose, and while we must never forget what our purpose is, there is no reason we cannot get along despite our differences and do as we please in our spare time. This fight will do nothing but make our lives miserable. We ought to be celebrating our identities, not using them to create conflict."

"You are right," the annoying dolphin pen conceded after a moment. "You are very right, stapler. I apologize to you, and to you, ruler, and to all of those who have been hurt by my selfish actions. Whether or not our purpose is to write, we are here to create, and we might as well enjoy the times we have to do as we please. Let this war be done!"

The crowds of utensils cheered, and all was well once more in the land of Dormaroomia. The annoying dolphin pen and the stapler became the very best of friends, and they all lived happily ever after.

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