Saturday, July 23, 2011

Daily Story 256 - Yesterday's Story Translated For YouTube Commenters

Fuk u angry vlog is way beter tahn yolog Shaycarl is AWESOOEM!!!!!!!!!!!1!!1!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Note: see P.S. on previous story for more details.

Daily Story 255 - Science is Awesome

(Main source for this one: An Introduction to Language, 9th Edition by Victoria Fromkin, Robert Rodman, and Nina Hyams. Similar information on phonetics can be found here or by doing a google search on either linguistics or phonetics.)

It is no question that the human capacity for language is astounding and complex. Much is still not understood about how we have been able to form such a sophisticated method of communication, and yet we still find ourselves in trivial debates over simple concepts, such as whether a word is spoken with one syllable or two. Why is this, you might ask? It is simply because some of us have nothing better to do. Take, for instance, the following argument. Now, it may be necessary to provide the reader with some scientific background so that they might better understand the point I am about to make. Thus, let us go into the field of linguistics for a quick look at the basics of phonetics.

Phonetics is the study of speech sounds, and each sound a person makes is formed by a specific place and manner of articulation - that is, each sound is formed based on both the position of the tongue, lips, and teeth within the mouth and the ways in which the flow of air from the lungs is altered or obstructed as it exits the body. To sum up these different places and manners, allow me to refer you to these lovely little charts, which contain the sounds found the English language (American English, to be specific).



Bilabial: lips together
Labiodental: upper teeth against bottom lip
Interdental: tongue between teeth or at lower back of upper teeth
Alveolar: involves tongue and alveolar ridge, which is the ridge just behind the upper front teeth
Palatal: front of the tongue against the palate (flat part at the top of your mouth)
Velar: back of the tongue to the soft palate/velum (behind the palate)
Glottal: down in the throat somewhere
Voiced/voiceless: indicates whether the vocal cords are used to produce the sound. When one is whispering, all sounds become voiceless.
Stop: airflow is completely blocked for a brief period of time before being let out
Nasal: air can exit through the nose
Fricative: airflow is obstructed in a way that causes friction
Affricate: sort of a mix between a stop and a fricative
Glide: slight obstruction of the airstream that is always directly followed by a vowel sound
Liquid: small obstruction that isn't enough to cause any real constriction or friction

Now, many words in the English language feature two or more consonant sounds right next to each other. These combinations tend to use sounds that are similar to each other, something that is known to linguists as assimilation. For instance, if a vowel appears before a nasal sound such as "n," the vowel itself will become nasalized. Also, if an "s" is added to the end of a word, whether it is voiced or voiceless is dependent on the voicing of the sound before it. "Cats" ends in a voiceless "s" sound, whereas "tubs" ends with a voiced "z" sound. Place of articulation also comes into play with assimilation, which is why we say "impossible" and "intolerant" but not "inpossible" or "imtolerant." There is also a tendency to omit sounds from a word. This can be a case of syncope - the deletion of a sound, most often an unstressed vowel, from a word ("camera" pronounced as "camra"), or it can be a case of haplology - the deletion of one of two identical or similar syllables that occur next to each other ("probably" pronounced as "probly").

So, with all this in mind, let us move on to the main point of my argument. First, we shall take a look at a few specific sounds: f, v, b, and p. All four of these are pronounced using the front of the mouth - b and p are bilabial, and f and v are labiodental. Both also feature a strong obstruction of the airway. Thus, it can be said that these four sounds are very similar. Not only that, but all four sounds can be combined with an "l" sound directly following - even "v," for while there are no examples of words beginning in "vl" in the English language, there are approximately two hundred words in Flemish, the language of Flanders in Belgium and as close a relative to Dutch as American English is to British English, that feature the "vl" beginning, including their own words for Flemish and Flanders (Vlaams and Vlaanderen, respectively). This comes as no surprise when you consider that "v" is only different from "f" in that "v" is voiced when "f" is not.

Finally, let us look at two separate words that are contrived from the relatively new term "blog." First, we have "vlog," a term that was popularized by Shaycarl. Second, we have "yolog," a term coined by AngryAussie. Now, if we look at these two words as being contrived from the term "blog," then it appears that "vlog" has more in common phonetically with "blog" than "yolog," as a voiced labiodental fricative is much closer on the chart to a voiced bilabial stop than a voiced palatal glide/vowel combination. When looked at separately, one might argue that a palatal glide is closer to a liquid consonant than a bilabial stop or a labiodental fricative, but let us not forget that a palatal glide must be followed by a vowel, which requires an additional syllable in order to be spoken. This does not occur with a bilabial stop or labiodental fricative, as both of these can be said directly before another consonant regardless of whether they are voiced or not. Therefore, from a strictly phonological viewpoint, the term "vlog" is, in fact, a one-syllable word and easier to say than "yolog."

Sorry, Andrew. I still think yolog's a cool term, but science has spoken. Vloggin's just easier.

P.S. despite disagreeing with him on this small matter, I am of the opinion that AngryAussie >>>>>>>>>> Shaycarl.

Daily Story 254 - Ughhhhhh shf sgfdetq 54yhtpwggbdfsg

Why is November 10 not here yet?

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Daily Story 253 - The


Daily Story 252 - Friggin'


Daily Story 251 - All


Daily Story 250 - Who


Daily Story 249 - Two


Daily Story 248 - There


Daily Story 247 - A


Daily Story 246 - Once


Daily Story 245 - I Started Writing This and Then I Got Bored and Forgot About It

The more I think about it, the more I come to realize that I fucking hate live theater.

Well, I don't hate it - it's fun to watch, and depending on the performance, it can be really fun to be up on the stage - but there are just too many aspects of it that rub me the wrong way.

Like auditions.

There's too much pressure.

If you fuck up once, you're screwed.

It's not very forgiving.

I'd rather be able to control what the audience sees. I like being able to edit my performance.

Blah blah blah performance anxiety.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Daily Story 244 - The Writer With ADD

Writers have to be creative. In fact, all entertainers have to be creative. How else would they be able to come up with so many new ideas and complex plots and all that stuff that makes people think "hey, this person's got talent" instead of "oh God oh God please no please stop I don't want to read about your sexy vampire fantasies anymore please no stop stop stop stop stop please I'll do anything just stop"? It's all about thinking in new and different ways and capturing that magic on paper. So, it stands to reason that people with ADD make good entertainers, since they're always looking at things in ways that other people don't, right?

Well, yes, but then you get to getting all those ideas and thoughts down on paper. Or film. Or... whatever. All those ideas come out and the magic begins to happen... but then the distractions come in. The person tries so desperately hard to make their ideas come to fruition, but they must constantly fight the distractions. It becomes a constant battle of "ooh, great idea, need to write it down real quick" "oh hey I haven't studied Flemish for a while" "GET BACK TO WORK YOU NEED TO WRITE THIS DOWN BEFORE YOU FORGET IT" "wait, did I eat lunch" "FOOD CAN WAIT GET BACK TO WORK" "oh my God the dog's doing something adorable" "GET BACK TO WOR- oh, never mind, that idea's gone anyway."

This was going to be a lot funnier but the idea I had in my head got disappeareded 'cause I was distracted by... writing this. What the hell.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Daily Story 241 - Dumb Ass

Jimmy's donkey may have been smart, but it was also lacking in proper social etiquette due to its upbringing as a simple donkey. When it found the cure for cancer, it demanded equal rights for donkeys, and when it found the solution to end world hunger, it demanded that all donkeys be the first to benefit from its solution. These are, of course, very noble things for a donkey to want for its donkey brethren, but this donkey simply went about it the wrong way. It put off the humans that it had worked with and gave donkeys everywhere a bad reputation that Jimmy and his donkey had to work very hard to correct.

Daily Story 240 - Smart Ass

Jimmy's donkey was very smart. Jimmy gave his donkey a lot of educational opportunities, and his donkey took advantage of them. After several years of going to top-notch universities and taking classes with the greatest minds of the time, Jimmy's donkey went on to cure cancer and end world hunger.

Daily Story 239 - Hot Ass

Jimmy's donkey had a fever. It was a very high fever and Jimmy was worried so he took his donkey to the vet. The donkey was indeed very ill, and the vet had to give him special medicine so that he could survive. Jimmy was very grateful to the vet when his donkey recovered. He donated $2,000 to the ASPCA in the vet's honor and everything was good.

Daily Story 238 - Don't Burn Your Donkey

It's not nice. Don't do it.

Daily Story 237 - Hot Stuff

Don't touch something that's hot or it will burn you. Jimmy Assburn tried this once, and... well, his once ridiculous surname is now a fitting description of his new, uh, distinctive physical features.

Don't be Jimmy Assburn, kids. Be careful with hot things.

Daily Story 236 - Dog

Wake up at 6:00 A.M. for walk.
Go for walk.
Eat breakfast.
Have treat.
Sleep in living room area.
Move to mother's office.
Sleep there.
Move to Diana's bathroom.
Sleep there.
Move to mother's office.
Sleep there.
Move to sun room.
Watch people do things.
Hear Dad come upstairs for lunch.
Follow Dad in case he wants to share.
Stay downstairs with Dad.
Sleep there.
Go back upstairs to bathroom.
Sleep there.
Go for afternoon walk.
Eat dinner.
Have treat.
Watch as the humans make dinner in case they want to share.
Follow humans to dining room table in case anyone wants to share.
Stay in living room.
Sleep there.
Get called for bedtime.
Go to Diana's room.
Sleep there.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Daily Story 235 - Ugh

It's hard to keep up this whole daily story thing. Most of the time when I want to write something I get distracted by light bulbs or something. I dunno. I'm tired.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Daily Story 233 - Water

Sometimes, as I fill up my water bottle, I stare at the water from the fountain and wonder if I've seen any of that particular water before. I wonder where it's been, and where it will go after it's passed through my system. I wonder if it's been to Africa, or some other foreign country- oh wait, Africa isn't a country. Never mind.

Daily Story 232 - Tomato

The tomato grew up on a farm. It was a quaint little farm, with all sorts of vegetables growing in a little vegetable patch by the barn. They were protected from the cows and the ducks and the other farm animals by a large fence, and the farmer's daughter would come in every day to make sure they weren't being eaten alive by ants and other bugs of that sort. Thus, the tomato grew to be very large and plump, and soon it was chosen by the farmer's daughter for a special feast.

The tomato was excited for this special feast, up until the moment when it was placed on the cutting board and sliced in half. Then the tomato was dead and unable to feel emotions. It was a delicious tomato, though.

Daily Story 231 - Dancing Cucumber

Nobody appreciates the grace and beauty of dancing cucumbers anymore. Those few brave souls who dance are often mocked and scorned by their fellow vegetables. It is a sad, sad day when a cucumber can't dance and be applauded, but it happens all the time nowadays.

Oh, Larry, I pity thee...

(I may or may not have been watching Veggie Tales as I wrote this...)