Monday, September 26, 2011

Daily Story 317 - The Envelopes in the Glass

Two envelopes sat quietly in a glass container. They were waiting to be opened. Or perhaps to be read and considered, or read a second time and reconsidered. It was difficult to tell. One thing was for certain, however. Both envelopes were very much into kinky sex.

Don't ask me how I know this. I'd rather not have to think about it anymore.

Daily Story 316 - Impatience

There was once an author who decided to write stories every day for a year. However, she began to forget to write stories for a while, and soon she was about two weeks behind. The impatient author wrote several stories at once, asked herself, "Why is this year not over yet?" and debated whether to write enough stories to be completely caught up or to spend her time doing something else. The author eventually decided to catch up and went around looking for inspiration.

Daily Story 315 - Not Trying Too Hard I Guess


Daily Story 314 - Why Are You Even Trying Anymore?

This author is out of ideas.

Daily Story 313 - Maybe Still Trying Too Hard?

Different story with different characters that comes across as weak but still an enjoyable read.

Daily Story 312 - Definitely Trying Too Hard

Horrible excuse for a continuation of the series.

Daily Story 311 - Really Trying Too Hard

Disappointing sequel.

Daily Story 310 - Trying Too Hard

Dramatic Opening Paragraph. Funny and intriguing character introduction. Subtle yet informative exposition. Well-paced plot development. Gripping storyline. Shocking twist. Clever buildup. Emotional roller coaster of a climax.

Satisfying ending.

Daily Story 309 - What the Fizzle

There was a dog and it ate things but the pizza it ate made it sick so it threw up and then there was a cat who was all "eww gross you puked all over the floor" and the dog was like "I didn't puke I made food" and the cat was like "whatever I'm outta here" and then the dog ate its own puke and this is why dogs are gross.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Daily Story 308 - Depressing Realization

I just denied myself a cookie. :(

Daily Story 307 - Yellow Leaves

Usually leaves are green. In the fall, however, they turn yellow. Sometimes they turn orange or red.

Eventually they fall off and die.

Daily Story 306 - Statements

I have a dog. I have a ladder. Skies are plural, but a sky is singular. My dog is sleeping. My dog eats food. I eat food. Strangers in the night exchange glances. Ponies are weird.

Daily Story 305 - Answers

A dog is a thing that goes woof. They come from other dogs. You are female because you have a vagina and two X-chromosomes. Blue and purple aren't very sneaky colors. Ponies are just weird like that. No.

Daily Story 304 - Questions

What is a dog? Where do dogs come from? Why am I female? Why are cats brown sometimes but never blue or purple unless they've had a bizarre accident or a run-in with a groomer or hair stylist? What's up with ponies? Can I have a cookie?

Daily Story 303 - Twitchy Twitchy Twitchy Twitch

Twitch Twitchy Twitchy Twitch. Twitch Twitch.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Daily Story 302 - Universe Duck

Somewhere in space, there is a duck made of universes. It is a very large duck indeed.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Daily Story 301 - Weerstandsvermogen

I have no stamina. I get out of breath pathetically easily. And yet, when I was in middle school, I thought it would be a good idea to join the cross-country team. At least it didn't involve hand-eye (or hand-foot) coordination. Most of the time.

Daily Story 300 - Belachelijk

"I want to invade your country," said the angry man.

"That's just ridiculous!" said the even angrier man.

"Nevertheless, I shall invade your country. Beware my wrath!" said the angry man.

The angrier man punched the angry man in the face. "Never!"

"Did you just punch me in the face?" the angry man asked angrily. "This is madness!"

"No, it's not. You're trying to invade my country and I don't want you to, so I think punching you in the face is a completely reasonable response to your demands," said the angrier man.

"Fair enough," said the angry man. Then the angrier man kicked him into a pit. Upon seeing this, the angry man's army decided they had better things to do and they wandered off to go have tea and crumpets.

Daily Story 299 - Koningin

I am a queen. I don't know of what, but I am definitely a queen.

Daily Story 298 - Papier

There are vast stores of paper in my room. Some of it I use, while some of it stays where it is and has nothing to do. I imagine the paper gets drunk and comes up with intricate dance routines to its favorite pop music, but never shows off these dances because it's too embarrassed.
Or maybe that's Kyle. I can't remember.

Daily Story 297 - Voorstel

So I guess most musicals start with a musical number that introduces the musical with music. Redundant redundancy is redundant.

Daily Story 296 - Gekheid

OGNS nfso sgl se erljg slkg kvbm .kdrs gjlksgj f; og boot fiddlesticks togdnl adif lasf jaelng s,fn ,mdfn ae, akjf aifjadkfjslf jwioj ;isjof ssweeeee tweeeee fweeeeee pweeeee nweeeee mweeeee qweeeee rweeeee lweeeee zweeeee vweeeeee bweeeeee kweeeee hweeeee gweeeee dweeeeee xweeeeeee a;ngbfs ;iag;os fgjoaijg al toilet.

Daily Story 295 - Meeldauw

Showering Shawn liked to stay clean. However, he had a great dislike for unclean showers, and he refused to go near them until someone had cleaned them. All his problems were solved one day when a great genius discovered a way to keep Showering Shawn's favorite shower free of mildew forever. This caused many people to want to use this magical shower, which allowed Showering Shawn to have other people clean his shower of other gross things for the rest of his life.

Daily Story 294 - Kalksteen

Freddy, the great warrior of The United Lands of Frederica, was on a mission. He had to find the limestone monument to his father, Franky the Frank, and recover the secret gemstone before the evil Juggernauts of Juicy Fruit took over the Cheesecake Mines of Southern Floridania. The only problem was, Freddy had no idea what limestone looked like.

Daily Story 293 - Vriendelijkheid

Li'l baby Harry Potter stopped Voldemort with the power of his mother's love. Voldy ought to have responded by killing the kid with kindness. Sure, it probably wouldn't have gotten him anywhere, but at least it would have been an interesting twist.

Daily Story 292 - Januari

It's like a cool kid's way of spelling January. I love Flemish sometimes.

Daily Story 291 - Onrijp

Two little girls were walking through the woods. One picked an apple off a golden apple tree. The other picked a pear off a purple pear tree. Both girls made fun of the other's choice in a very immature fashion, with lots of name-calling and farting noises. Neither of the fruits were ripe, however, and the girls were forced to accept that they hadn't chosen a good day to pick fruits off of strangely-colored fruit trees.

Daily Story 290 - Lichtbruin

My eyes are hazel. The eyes of my siblings are all blue. Go me.

Daily Story 289 - Goddelijk

I am not very much like a God. If I had super awesome powers then I would be a bit more like a God.
There was once a man who was very much like a God. He did stuff that made people go all "holy carp this dude's awesome" but other people were like "man what is up with this loser" and stuff happened and it was cool. This man is known to us as Batman. I mean Jesus.
My inner Catholic is cringing now.

Daily Story 288 - Vuur

My older brother used to be a bit of a pyromaniac. There was a time when I was young, and I went down to the first floor of our old duplex to see what my brother was up to, and he was playing with incense. Another time, or perhaps the same time, he set off the fire alarm in our house. My mother also seems to recall an incident where my brother and his cousin started a fire beneath the balcony where my mother and aunt were enjoying the evening.

Daily Story 287 - Verklaren

There was once a confused child. Then some kind adult explained the thing that confused the child so much. The child was no longer confused. For now...

Daily Story 286 - Hond

Once upon a time, there was a dog named Juno. She came to be adopted by a loving family that taught her how to hold in her poop until she was outside of the town limits. She made life simple for the family because she liked to do her business in the privacy of the bushes. She also had a strange habit of sleeping on her back with her legs resting against a wall or the side of a couch or bed.

Daily Story 285 - Bijzonderheid

I like to eat cookies sometimes. Other times, though, I don't like to eat cookies. It depends on the circumstances.

Daily Story 284 - Feestmaal

So many hungry people were eating at the banquet. There was one guy who wasn't all that hungry, though. He felt sick after eating so much food.