Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Daily Story 203 - In the Navy

I assume they do exciting things there. Or maybe it's boring. I dunno. Either way, right now I feel like singing. If my hunch is right, you do, too.

Ha, ha.

Daily Story 202 - She Has Talent

(Posting an older story since I'm behind and this is actually pretty funny. Note: Kyle's birthday is in December, and since Oakwood's winters are more snowy than Crested Butte, that means there's usually a good 10 feet of snow on the ground. Also, Oakwood is fictional.)

It was a dark morning in Oakwood, but that didn’t keep Colt from waking up to the sounds of someone moving around in the kitchen. He stretched as he entered the warm, friendly room and greeted Annie with a kiss on the cheek as she poured milk into a bowl filled with various other ingredients. “You’re up awfully early. What’s the occasion?”

“Kyle’s birthday is tomorrow, remember? I want to get as much work done as I can today so that I can spend the entire day with him,” Annie replied. “Are you going to tell me what you got him, by the way?”

Colt grinned. “Something spectacular. You’ll see it tomorrow.”

“It had better not be an iPhone,” Annie said irritably. “I swear, if I have to return that thing–”

“It’s not. It’s something else,” Colt replied.

“Good. Anyway, you’re going to be in charge of decorations, right?”

“Of course.”

They continued to talk as they ate breakfast together, cleaned up together, and then sat together at the kitchen table, and soon someone entered the house through the back door. Colt looked up and waved at Katie, who had been coming over from next door every day for the past month just to spend time with the family. Mostly Kyle, actually. They were really an adorable couple. They’d even begun to study music together.

Katie sat down at the table and asked, “Aw, did I miss out on breakfast?”

“Yep. Kyle’s still asleep, so if you want to practice you’re going to have to wait for a while.”

Katie sighed and rested her head in her hands. “Darn. I thought he’d be awake by now.”

Annie smiled and stood. “Well, it is pretty late,” she said as she walked over to the bottom of the stairway, then shouted, “Kyle! It’s time to get up!”

The response was faint, but still audible. “Do I have to?”

“Yes, you do. Katie’s here and it’s time for practice.”

“It’s too early for practice. I wan’ sleep.”


“I’m an adult! I can sleep in if I want to!”

“You’re the one who wanted to get practice in, Kyle. Sometimes you have to give things up to get things you want.”

“I don’t want to practice today. I’ll get up if I can have ice cream for breakfast.”


“If I can have ice cream for breakfast, then I’ll give up on sleeping.”

“We’re out of ice cream, Kyle.”

“Then go buy some.”

“The store’s closed today, Kyle. Just get up, will you?”

“It’s not worth it. I’m sleeping.”

“Fine, but if you don’t get down here in the next ten minutes, I’m sending Katie up there,” Annie shouted, then returned to the table and sat down. “That should get him up,” she said with some satisfaction.

“Sweet. I’ll start setting everything up,” Katie said, then left the table and disappeared into the garage. Ten minutes later, she returned, looked around, sighed, and asked, “Kyle’s still asleep, isn’t he?”

“Apparently. Well, you know what to do,” Annie replied, and Katie nodded and went upstairs.

“What is she going to do?” Colt asked curiously. This was the first time Kyle hadn’t reacted to that threat while Colt was there, after all, and Kyle never went into detail about what happened when Katie was sent in to wake him up.

“I can’t say. She changes it around,” Annie replied. “But whatever it is, it’ll definitely keep Kyle from sleeping in for a good month or so.”

Colt laughed. “I see.”

The next few minutes were quiet, and Katie passed through the kitchen three times. She would go up the stairs, then come down with a bundle of clothing in her arms, walk out the back door and over to her house, and return empty-handed. It was completely baffling to Colt, but whenever he tried to ask Katie what she was up to she silenced him with a look. So, he sat back and waited, more curious than ever. After another few minutes, when Katie was upstairs again, the house was suddenly filled with noises. To be specific, the house was filled with the Kyle screaming, “What the hell are you doing? Stop it! No, don’t– where are you putting that? MOM!”

“I told you what would happen if you didn’t get up, Kyle,” Annie shouted back up at him in a disinterested tone. A few minutes later, Katie came back down the stairs with a satisfied smile and sat down at the table.

“What did you just…?” Colt tried to ask, but the absurdity of it all was rendering him speechless.

“You’ll see,” Katie replied with a slight smile. Sure enough, Colt figured it all about five minutes later, when Kyle’s voice could be heard from his room upstairs.


“What is it, Kyle?” Annie shouted back at him.

“Katie took all my pants, so…”

“No, you may not borrow my clothes,” Annie replied. “Just come down in your underwear. We’re all family here.”

Silence for a moment, then…

“I can’t find any underwear.”

“Then use a t-shirt or something to cover yourself,” Annie replied.

Silence for another moment. Colt was beginning to understand. He was taken by surprise, however, when Kyle called down again.

“Um, mom…?”

“You don’t have any extra t-shirts up there, either?” she asked.


“Then for crying out loud, Kyle, use a blanket!”

Silence for another moment. Colt couldn’t help but laugh when he heard Kyle’s voice again. “Mom…”

Annie looked at Katie in surprise and asked, “Did you leave him anything?”

“He has a pillowcase,” Katie replied with a shrug.

Daily Story 201 - Nerrrr

You know what sucks about winter? It lasts forever in Crested Butte. So if you don't like snow, then you're kind of screwed.

Good thing I like show. I mean snow. Except when I'm not in the mood for it. I kinda like warm stuff, too.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Daily Story 200 - Sleepy Time

(Yay for 200 stories!)

When I was living in Germany, I had a very specific bedtime routine. I would change into my pajamas, brush my teeth, floss*, put on my acne medication*, go to the bathroom, come back, lock the door, check the main closet, check the smaller cupboard space above the closet, check under the bed, check all around the room, check the door to make sure it was really locked, repeat checks if necessary, turn off the lights, and go to sleep.

When I visited my brother, I would change into my pajamas, brush my teeth, floss*, put on my acne medication*, use the toilet, turn off the lights, and go to sleep.

When I returned home to Colorado, I would change into my pajamas, brush my teeth, floss, put on my acne medication, use the toilet, check behind the shower curtain, make sure the bedroom and bathroom doors were closed, set my alarm, kiss my doggy goodnight, turn off the lights, and go to bed.

When I lived in my dorm in Montana this past year, I would brush my teeth, floss, put on my acne medication, use the toilet, come back, lock the door, make sure my door was closed and locked properly (when locked it still opens from the inside so it's a bit harder to tell from the inside than the door in Germany was), checked both sides of the closet, check under the bed, make sure the blinds were open enough to not have a dark room in the morning, turn off the light, set the alarm, put on my wrist brace thingies, and go to sleep.

Now that I'm back in Colorado, I close the bedroom door, change into my pajamas, brush my teeth, floss (which reminds me, I need new floss since my last thing was retired), put on my acne medication, check behind the shower curtain, close the bathroom door, close the blinds (my bedroom window here is easier to see into than the one in Montana), kiss my doggy goodnight, turn off the light, set my alarm, put on my wrist thingies, and go to sleep.

If I've learned one thing about my bedtime routine, it is that the length of it is dependent on there being no place for crazy people to easily hide. Doggy makes it hard for people to hide places because she is doggy and she does not ignore new people or even not so new people who come into a room she is in. Doggy does not go into shower, though, so doggy is useless against shower crazies.

I like doggy.

*Until I ran out, at least.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Daily Story 199 - Talking to a Mirror

Hello, me.
What are you doing?
Whatever it is you're doing.
Okay, that's nice.
Yeah, I know.
So... what are you going to do later?
I dunno. Depends on what you're doing.
Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.
Yeah. So... what are you doing?
Oh. I dunno. I might play video games or something.
I guess I'll do that too, then.
But I won't be playing in front of a mirror.
...Well, I guess I'll just pretend that's what I'll be doing and lie to you when you get back.
You don't need to lie.
Okay, then I'll just sit around and be boring and nonexistent.
Aw, that's sad.
I'm a mirror image. What were you expecting?
I dunno.
Well, I guess I'm going to go do stuff now.
Okay. Have fun.
Thanks, you too.

Daily Story 198 - Best Treat Ever

Step 1: Have freezer readily available
Step 2: Have plastic cup readily available
Step 3: Have spoon readily available, preferably grapefruit spoon but regular spoon works as well
Step 4: Buy soft drink of your choice
Step 5: Pour soft drink into plastic cup
Step 6: Place plastic cup containing soft drink into freezer
Step 7: Leave plastic cup containing soft drink in freezer for several hours
Step 8: Take plastic cup containing soft drink out of freezer
Step 9: Get spoon
Step 10: Use spoon to eat soft drink that is now frozen out of plastic cup
Step 11: ???
Step 12: Bliss

Daily Story 197 - Self-Help That Works

Hey, guess what, teenagers. You are going to be miserable for a long time. Things will get better eventually, trust me, but until then, you're in for several years of shit. Just keep focused on the future, and remember your life won't suck forever. For now, though... just pretend this person here is everyone you hate.

I know you're dealing with a lot of crap emotions right now, so just find healthy ways to get it out of your system so it doesn't get a chance to overwhelm you and start eating at your soul until you become a deranged maniac who screams at small children because they're too loud and obnoxious even though that's what small children do. They act loud and obnoxious because they don't know any better. Yet. They will eventually, just like you'll feel like crap less often eventually, and so I'm here to help you to avoid becoming the crazy person who screams at small children because of things beyond your control.

There are plenty of ways to deal with stress that are healthy and can make you feel better, even if it doesn't seem like they will. It's all about finding an outlet for all that rage and misery and anger and confusion and frustration and whatever else you might be feeling. Once you get those feelings out through some kind of physical or verbal action, it'll be like that moment when you get home and dump your backpack on the ground somewhere and you don't have to sit with it on your shoulders anymore and it feels awesome because I don't know how your school is, but mine liked to make my backpack really damn heavy. You'll feel lighter and happier and it'll be great. Just... don't murder anyone, okay? Trust me, it's way more trouble than it's worth. ...And I'm not saying that out of personal experience. I just know that the satisfaction you'd get would be massively outweighed by the mess and the resulting legal actions against you and the possible emotional scarring that comes from doing something like that. Plus it would look bad on a resumé, and like I said, you need to think about your future.

So yeah. Life is going to be hard for a while. Just try not to let it overwhelm you. It will sometimes anyway, but as long as you try to get through it, it will help. And if you do get overwhelmed despite your best efforts not to be overwhelmed, just remember this: your life sucks. It's not your fault that it sucks, you've just got a lot going against you right now. Ask for help if you can, because you will most likely need it. And you will definitely need some kind of support, even if it's just someone who's willing to listen to you bitch about your life. Be clear about your needs. If there's one thing I learned from Danielle Corsetto, it's that there's one important question that will make every good friendship like 50 times better: "Advice, or sympathy?" The thing is, not everyone knows to ask that question, so you might have to tell them what you need without them prompting you. It all depends.

Feeling miserable is a part of life, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. As long as you're trying to be happy, you're on the right path.

Seriously, though, murder may sound like a good idea in theory, but in reality it's messy and the aftermath tends to be complicated and expensive. Just play Angry Birds or something instead. Or kill video game zombies. That works too. Or maybe find a hobby that doesn't involve staring at a screen all day. I hear physical exercise and creative endeavors work pretty well, too. Try one of those sometime. You never know, it might be useful.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Daily Story 196 - What I've Learned So Far

Writing a story every day is hard. Not because I can't write, but because if I forget and don't have anything to write about, then I have no idea what to do and I usually end up posting something short and boring. I guess deadlines are good because I'm more motivated to write more often, but I think once a day is a bit too much. Maybe once a week or something would be better.

Of course, I'll still do the daily project until the year's up, but after that, to hell with daily updates. I'm going to update whenever I damn well please. Probably every few days or something. I dunno.

Daily Story 195 - Ponder Ponder Ponder

I wonder if anyone actually reads these. Besides my mom, I mean.

Daily Story 194 - Creeping Realizations

I really need to clean out my hard drive.  It would make my life easier in so many ways.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Daily Story 193 - Ballonnetje

I like balloons. They go flying all over the place.

One time there was a red balloon named Joey who went flying all over the place, but then he popped when a bird was feeling spiteful one day. It was sad. He didn't even get a funeral because he's just a dumb balloon and nobody cares about balloons. You people are all jerks to balloons, did you know that? Try being a little nicer, balloons are our friends.


I always find it interesting when I go from being off my Adderall XR for a couple days to taking it again. It's such a switch from being all "ughhhh so much to do don't wanna do it gonna play video games because at least that's easy and doesn't get super confusing" to "ughhhh so much to do need to do it all RIGHT NOW" that it amuses me. I guess I can understand why people do drugs even though doing drugs is bad unless you have a prescription and a good reason to be taking them which I do because I can't concentrate on things the way most people do and it gets annoying but right now I'm still switching all over the place but at least I'm doing stuff while I constantly switch around. It's still crazy hectic, though, as you shall soon see because I'm going to write about it. This is pretty much what a day looks like when I'm on Adderall for the first time in a while.

Okay, just took my pill, time to check all my internet stuff while I wait for it to really kick in.

Hm, I should probably get to cleaning my room. It's still a dump right now and all...

Okay, getting things organized. This is good.

Hey, the dog needs to be brushed. I should do that.

Oh, right, I was cleaning out the shelves in that dresser wardrobe thingy, better get back to that.

Ooh, I wanna check that one thing on youtube.

Wait, I still haven't finished brushing the dog.

Okay, I need a box for all this stuff so I can actually make my room look clean.

Ooh baby pictures.

Augh, the dog's still only half brushed.

Oh, I need to make that video still.

Ew, this windowsill hasn't been dusted in ages.

Okay, that's good enough for now, time to brush the dog some more.

Wait, why does my stomach hurt oh yeah I haven't eaten lunch and it's 3 in the afternoon I'd better fix that.

Hang on a sec, we don't keep food in the dishwasher.

Oh, right, I need a plate.

Ooh, leftover spaghetti. And cheese. And and hot sauce yay!

I want orange juice.

Okay, got all the ingredients out, time to make oh wait I have to check a download.

While I'm on the computer, I should really get some other stuff done.

Hey, wait a minute, I put out spaghetti and all that other stuff a while ago. I should really make lunch before I forget again.

Okay, got it in the microwave, back to doing stuff.

Microwave beeped. Time to eat.

Yay for having desk space in my room. I can eat and use the computer at the same time.

Wait, wasn't I going to have orange juice? Oh, yeah, I left the bottle sitting out on the counter. I should probably do something about that.

All right, now I can eat and work and drink orange juice at the same time yay.

But I really need to finish emptying out those shelves before I forget...





Finally, finished my food, time to bring dishes out to the kitchen.


I feel like walking the dog now.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Daily Story 191 - My Ovaries Hate Me

Therefore, today's story will be short and pointless. Once upon a time my body decided that it wanted me to have babies. It reminds me by making life painful once a month. The end.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Daily Story 190 - I Have a New Best Friend

I bought a camera yesterday. I named it Silver. My mom said Silver Rec but I don't like long names so I decided to shorten it to Silver. Silver and I are going to go on many adventures together. Silver is going to help me do things like make videos and take pictures and even get over my fear of using a camera in public. Silver is going to be my bestest bestest friend foreverest because Silver is just that awesome.

In other words, I am very happy with my purchase.

Daily Story 189 - The Seasons Are Confused

Mr. Angry lives in Melbourne, Australia. Australia is headed into winter. I, on the other hand, live in Crested Butte, Colorado. It is in the northern hemisphere, therefore it is headed into summer. And yet, I am the one with the snow outside, and Mr. Angry has told me it doesn't snow in Melbourne. I have a more hardcore winter than he does.

I remind him of this every chance I get.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Daily Story 188 - Progression of Art

First there were the fancy artists of the renaissance. Then there were the artists like Picasso who shook things up a little. Then we have Andy Warhol and all that modernist art. And then there was post-modernism, which in some cases is a commentary on modernism's commentary on society and art and all that.

In a few generations, people will look back at something like Non-Stop Nyan Cat! and see it as this generation's greatest artistic achievement.

Or at least, that's what I'm going to make my children/grandchildren believe.

Note: It's been a while since I've gone over my art history, so there are bound to be some factual inaccuracies. My apologies.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Daily Story 187 - Walrus

There once was a walrus named Shploogey. Shploogey didn't like his name much, but everyone else around him absolutely adored it, so he never complained and he never attempted to change it. He simply went by Shploogey until one day, when someone began to sing a song about his name. Shploogey heard this song on the wind, and he waddled (or whatever walruses do) over to see who was singing. It was a small child, and she sang Shploogey's name song as she happily skipped rope all across the land, or at least across the small area of land where she was allowed to skip rope. As he listened to this little girl turn his name into a jump rope song, Shploogey became enraged. He stormed the little girl and slammed her across the yard, and the only thing that stopped him from gouging her eyes out with his sharp tusks was the quick intervention from the girl's parents and a few passing strangers. The little girl was absolutely traumatized, and she did not recover for days. In the meantime, Shploogey found himself having to explain his actions to the people of the town, which was no easy task.

"Why didn't you just say you didn't want us to call you Shploogey anymore?" the mayor asked.

Shploogey hung his head in shame. He knew the mayor was right. He apologized to the girl, and she apologized to him, and he changed his name to Schmoogalof, after the famous tragic Indian prince who had disappeared in Australia somewhere. Shploogey - sorry, Schmoogalof - and the girl eventually overcame their dislike for each other and became fast friends.

For more on Schmoogalof read daily stories 6 and 36.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Daily Story 186 - The Floss Has Officially Been Retired

Continued from this story

My floss has served me well in the past year. It always took care of the grossness between my teeth and did many good things for me. Last night, however, it finally ran out.

This may be the first time I've ever gone through a complete thing of floss - not one of those small ones you get at the dentist's office, either, but a big one. It was tragic, but at the same time, it is a wonderful feeling of relief and joy, because now the floss can go on to live a happy life in the woods, or wherever it chooses to live. We shall see what happens to the floss now.

I will probably keep it and give it a place of honor somewhere in my bedroom. It shall have a sword and a bed, because that is exactly what floss needs. I may also make a full house for it (not the card arrangement or the show with Bob Saget and those demonic Olsen Twins* but a house that is complete with all the furnishings needed to live comfortably as a retired floss container) with legos or some other material, but I believe that using legos to build this home would give me the excuse necessary to find the legos that lie deep in one of our storage units somewhere. Perhaps we only have one storage unit nowadays, but I am ignorant of the number due to my desire to receive a college education.

Whatever happens to the floss, it will live in glory for the rest of its days.

*According to the Nostalgia Critic

Daily Story 185 - Yay For Fishies

Once upon a time there was a dark and stormy knight named Jumbo. Jumbo was a brave, brave knight who liked to do things like save people's lives when they were being attacked by evil sunlight people of doom. He lived in a land where darkness was prized and light was feared and hated, since the people of his country were cursed with extremely sensitive pale skin and would burn easily whenever they went outside. Jumbo was a kind soul who understood the people of this land. He understood that they resented their pale skin and their tendency to burn in broad daylight, and he found it despicable that anyone would go into this land with the intention of exposing these people to bright light.

Jumbo liked fishies. He liked them a lot.

Daily Story 184 - Why is the Sky Blue?

I knew the specifics at one point, but all I can remember is that it has something to do with particles and rays and blue and purple are longer wavy things so they don't get blocked as easily as red and yellow or something but blue is easier to see for the human eye so it looks blue instead of purple.

Daily Story 183 - Yar Har Har

Pirates are made of cheese.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Blogger hates me


New stories coming soon, I promise.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Daily Story 182 - Rivalry

A tube of Crest toothpaste and a tube of Colgate toothpaste are sitting next to each other on the counter of the bathroom I currently share with my parents. I will be moving to my own room soon, but hopefully they will be able to sort out their issues in the meantime.

Daily Story 181 - Cats

Meow meow meow moo meow meow meow meow nyan nyan. Nyan meow nyan nyan meow moo mrow mrowr nyaaaaaaaaaaan.

Daily Story 180 - Blue Fish

Blue fish are jerks. End of story.

Daily Story 179 - Red Fish

Red fish are the most misunderstood fish of all. Everyone says they're best friends with the blue fish, but the blue fish think that the red fish are the enemies of the blue fish. However, red fish are relatively neutral toward blue fish. Some red fish are friends with some blue fish, and some are enemies, but most don't really care about each other.

Daily Story 178 - Brown Fish

Brown fish are smart and small and cool and happy with life in general, but some of them find themselves in a dilemma of enormous proportions, and this dilemma has to do with fish that are red. Red fish are notorious for being associated with blue fish, and nobody should trust a fish that's the same color as the water it lives in. At least, this is what brown fish always thought, until someone pointed out that water can sometimes be brown, and any brown fish that live in brown water are therefore as untrustworthy as blue fish in blue water. Now the brown fish need a new reason to justify their hate against the blue fish, but whatever.

Daily Story 177 - Yellow Fish

This fish was yellow. It is now brown. Someday it will be orange.

Waffle house.

Monday, May 9, 2011


Sorry, things are rather crazy at the moment due to graduation and moving and driving home from Montana but I will do my best to catch up tomorrow.

Also my dog sheds like crazy. Just thought you should know.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Daily Story 176 - Junodog's Guide to Happy Dining Hall Eating, Part 1

(Every once in a while I feel that there is a need for helpful PSAs on here. This one concerns a problem that has been evident for the majority of this year.)

To everyone who eats at my dining hall: please, please, please, please, PLEASE do not stop in the middle of the entrance to have a conversation. I don't like having to be on high alert just to avoid running into people who can't be bothered to pay attention in a high traffic area. Now, I know it might be hard for you to determine which areas are high traffic and which are generally okay to stand around in while having a conversation, so here are some basic guidelines.

One side of a large room: Okay.
At the entrance of a large room: Not okay.
One side of a wide hallway: Okay.
Middle of a wide hallway: Not okay.
Anywhere in a skinny hallway: Not okay.
Around corners: Not okay.
Middle of the food serving area: Not okay.
In front of the dining hall entrance: Not okay.
Near the card-reading machine or hand scanner: Not okay.
Near the place where you put your dirty dishes: Not okay.
Anyplace where lots of people tend to be walking with dishes in hand: Not okay.

In other words, if multiple people have to squeeze by you in order to get somewhere important, you are not in a good place to have a conversation. Please take two seconds to find someplace suitable, continue your conversation while walking, or hold off on the conversation until you are not in a crowded area that has a distinct disadvantage in its organizational structure that makes running into people an inherent risk to begin with.

Daily Story 175 - Juno Door Fail, Part 2

Unfortunately, the lesson of the screen door did not carry over to our walks outside of town when we'd drive to a parking lot at the beginning of a dirt road and hike in the semi-wilderness (semi meaning there were a couple houses along the road plus other people walking and some old mining structure that the hippies named 'the Gronk' for some reason) and we arrived at the car before Juno did (she's off the leash when we're not in town - more fun for her that way, plus it lessens the risk of her dislocating somebody's shoulder in her excitement to run around). We called Juno to come to the car, and she came running full-blast as my sister (the older of the two) opened the back door of the car. Unfortunately, the door was not all the way open when Juno tried to jump inside. In fact, it was hardly even open at all. She hit the car door and stumbled back, then gave us a look that said, "What was that for?"

I think she's learned her lesson by now but it's hard to be sure.

Daily Story 174 - Juno Door Fail, Part 1

My family used to live in a place that had a sliding glass door that led to a porch. It also had a screen door. We had a leash on the porch for Juno to spend her time outside and bark obnoxiously at dogs that passed by. One of my sisters was with us at the time (or maybe both of them, I can't remember) and we decided to test Juno and see if she understood the screen door yet. We opened the glass door and called her.

She did not understand the screen door, but she learned pretty quickly.

Daily Story 173 - Juno Hunter Fail, Part 2

Juno did not succeed in catching an animal again for several years until last summer, when she caught a bird right next to where my dad and I were walking on the trail and shook it so hard that we could hear the panicked, horrible tweeting of the bird that sounded all like tweettweettweetweetweetweetweeetweetweetweetweetwetweetweetweetweetweetweetwee until my dad commanded her to drop the bird and leave it. Thankfully, the bird was already dead when my dad checked it, so it did not suffer a long, drawn out death. However, these two incidents remain the only times in her 9+ years of living on the edge of the Colorado wilderness that she's ever caught an animal. The moral of the story is: my dog would not make a very good hunter.

Daily Story 172 - Juno Hunter Fail, Part 1

This one time my dad, sister and I were out for a walk with my dog Juno and having fun when all of a sudden we noticed Juno was digging furiously for something. We'd seen her do this many times before in an attempt to catch some wild animal, but she'd never been successful since she's loud and the opposite of stealthy (but we love her anyway) so we were just like "dude whatever you're not going to catch it so you might as well give up." Except she did catch it. Apparently whatever animal she'd found had been sick, and we watched in stunned amazement as she tossed her catch in the air. She seemed to be very happy with herself. She had finally succeeded. She tossed her catch up in the air with triumph and joy. The little critter eventually stopped moving. Juno was confused by this development. She stared at her catch and barked at it. She could not understand why it had stopped moving. She barked at it as though it was one of her owners and it was driving off without her, the way she did back in the days when she was newly adopted and had terrible separation anxiety. It was as if she were saying to the dead animal, "Why are you leaving me? I don't want you to leave me! I don't want to be lonely! Come back!" Apparently she did not understand that catching and tossing a small animal around in her mouth would end up killing it. She just wanted her new friend/toy to keep moving around so she could play with it.

Daily Story 171 - Excessively Descriptive Descriptions, Part 1

The man was tall, taller than a small bush with a lawn gnome balanced precariously on top of it but not quite as tall as a truck that would lose its top if it tried to drive under an 11' 8" train trestle, and about the same height as a door that went up to about three feet beneath the ceiling of a room that was ten feet tall. He had eyes that were so blue that they would have been a perfect match to a photoshop drawing that used 0, 0, 255 as the color value for his eyes. His teeth were so perfectly white that someone could use the white balance on them and only have a slight tint of blue that wouldn't even be noticed by most people, but if the video were to be presented to a bunch of people with extremely perceptive vision when it comes to white balance on a camera, it could easily be edited out in some film-editing program that allows for fixing white balance because it wasn't that big of a deal to begin with.

Monday, May 2, 2011


Yes, I know I'm behind. I blame graduation.

New posts to come soon, I promise.