Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Daily Story 163 - Euthanasia Coaster

So apparently there is a roller coaster design in existence that could hypothetically kill you with its intensity. It's being called a euthanasia-coaster because you feel sheer euphoria while riding it.

I don't like this idea at all. I wrote the following on facebook but I don't think it conveys just how deeply I am deeply disturbed by this thing: "I feel like this will someday result in some crazy rich person making a euthanasia-coaster on their huge estate and convincing guests it's a normal roller coaster so they'll ride it because this crazy rich person is also a serial killer. I don't care if this sounds implausible, I'm paranoid about everything and I really don't want to be murdered by a roller coaster."

It gets worse. See, crazy rich people's estates are easy enough to avoid, but what about amusement parks? If a crazy rich person decides to sneak one of these euthanasia-coasters into an amusement park, it could do horrible, horrible things to so many innocent people. Especially if they somehow manage to cover up the deaths which I know for a fact crazy rich people are more than capable of doing. Or maybe that's just the paranoia speaking, but WHAT IF IT'S NOT PARANOIA AND THIS REALLY HAPPENS? WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE AT THE HANDS OF CRAZY RICH PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO MURDER PEOPLE BY TRICKING THEM INTO THINKING THEY ARE HAVING FUN.

Not only that, but what if this euthanasia-coaster is built and people don't actually believe the whole euthanasia bit? People will die because they can't read a fucking warning sign and yes maybe we're better off because of natural selection and all that but PEOPLE ARE STILL GOING TO DIE. Or what if one of these stupid people decides to drag me along with them? I don't want my moments on this earth to be spent arguing with someone who's convinced I'm being a baby and forced into a death trap that everyone else thinks is fun but I know is GOING TO FUCKING KILL ME.

It would make an interesting horror movie - a group of friends is invited to test out the world's ultimate roller coaster one at a time, but by sheer accident, one of them finds out the truth... in an optional twist ending, it turns out the one person survives the ride but is then eaten by the roller coaster because it is actually alive and it likes to eat people. I'm not really sure how I got from people dying from the intensity to roller coasters with giant gaping mouths at the end, though.

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