Friday, April 22, 2011

Daily Story 83 - Just Say No to Mall Trips

(Doing something different this time around, this one's in the form of two skits that I would love to make actual videos of but that would involve a camera, a car, and a guy friend who's willing enough to film it with me...)

Skit 1:

Guy walks into a living room where a girl's sitting, reading a book.

"Hey, want to go to the mall with me?"

"Um... sorry, I've got a lot of reading to do."

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun. You can read later."

"No, seriously, I have to finish this book before tomorrow."

"Reading's overrated. Mall time is fun!"

"I have a test tomorrow and if I fail, I'll have to retake the course. I need to finish this book."

"Then read in the car or some shit. I don't care, this is important to me!"

He drags her off to his car, drives and sings along to music (badly) and is generally annoying, causing the girl to have trouble reading.

The girl continues to try and read while they walk through the mall, but eventually gives up and irritably follows the guy around while he enjoys himself, oblivious to her obvious disgruntlement.

The girl tries to read again in the car, but the guy grabs her book and throws it out the window while being annoying. The girl smacks him and shouts insults at him, but the guy doesn't seem to realize he's being a jerk.

The girl ends up failing her test the next day.

The girl takes a paper with a visible 'F' on it and shoves it in the guy's face.

"There. See? I didn't get to finish that book because of your stupid mall trip, and now I have to take that course over again. You are a fucking douche bag."

The guy looks surprised. "Well, jeez, you could have said no if you really didn't want to come with me."

The girl screams and pounds the guy in the head with the nearest blunt object.

End title: Just say no to mall trips... because clearly all men are stupid.

Skit 2:

Guy walks into a living room where a girl's lying on the couch, covered with a blanket.

"Hey, want to go to the mall with me?"

"I'm sleeping."

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Go away, I haven't slept in 48 hours because I've been studying for that damn retake that your stupid mall trip forced me to beg and plead for."

"Sounds like you need some ice cream. I'll get the car ready!"

Guy walks out of the room, bouncing with happiness and blissfully unaware that the girl might be harboring a grudge against him. The girl groans as the door slams shut and covers her head with the blanket. The guy comes back in and drags her out to the car, the blanket still draped around her shoulders.

The girl dozes off in the car, despite the guy's annoying antics and loud, blaring music. The guy seems to be oblivious to her lack of consciousness.

The guy walks around the mall with the girl stumbling or sleepwalking just behind him. They are getting a lot of strange looks, but the guy is oblivious as he talks to the girl, not seeming to realize that she is unconscious and at some point remarking, "Oh, quit being such a sourpuss. You know you're enjoying this."

The guy stops to get ice cream, and he asks the girl what she wants, but the girl is unable to answer due to lack of consciousness. The guy says, "Okay, I'll just order for you," then orders something for them both.

The cashier asks, "Is she okay?"

"Oh, yeah, she's just in a bad mood because she failed a test," the guy says cheerily.

The cashier looks skeptical and alarmed, but fills the order anyway. The guy takes both ice cream cones and leads the girl to an empty table in the food court, then 'helps' the girl eat her ice cream, which gets melted ice cream all over her face and shirt.

"Wow, talk about bad motor control," the guy jokes.

The guy drives them back to the living room, again being cheerfully obnoxious and oblivious to the girl's unconscious state.

The guy takes the girl back inside and she wakes up in a daze at the entrance to the living room. "Wha...?"

She looks down and sees that she's covered in ice cream and immediately realizes what happened.

"God damn it, you little fucktard! Did you drag me to the mall while I was sleeping again?"

"What? I thought you wanted to come!" the guy says, sounding confused.

"I told you, I wanted to sleep because you were too stupid to realize how important that test was and ruined my study time!" the girl screams.

"Wh... you should have said you didn't want to come with me, then," the guy scolds. "All you had to do was say no."

The girl is visibly on the edge of exploding with rage.

Cut to a visual of an explosion.

The girl is next seen beating the guy with a pillow while screaming obscenities at him.

End title: Seriously, men have no brains. Just say no to mall trips.

The girl and the guy are sitting on the couch, the guy holding an ice pack to his head and the girl scowling with her arms crossed.

"By the way, you still owe me $80 for that book," the girl says.

The guy looks up at her, a little big startled by this news.

(Basic point here: If a man was really incapable of understanding anything besides a firm 'no' when forcing himself upon a woman, then I figure this must be what he's like the rest of the time.)

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