Thursday, November 17, 2011

I Have Weird Dreams Sometimes

So the other night, just a couple days after Halloween, I had this dream. It was about a haunted house, and I recall wandering around in it and stuff, and I probably should have written this down way earlier because I forgot most of the details but I still remember the most important part, which was the scariest (to me, anyway) part of the whole setup.

There were these glowing red balls, see, and they floated around the place making this creepy noise and following anyone that came within their line of sight. I'm not sure what qualifies as line of sight for a floating red ball thingy, but I have some theories, which I will share later on. Well, I just have one theory, but it's a pretty good one.

Anyway, the noise they made was like something you'd hear in a horror movie. Or at least, what I imagine you'd hear in a horror movie, seeing as I avoid those things like the plague because I have no ability to cope with scary things whatsoever. Seriously, I had troubles sleeping after watching a Hey Arnold! Halloween special when I was in middle school, and I watched it in broad fucking daylight. Anyway, I think it was a mix between some creepy horror movie-type music combined with a low, droning noise like some kind of machine humming or something, but I can't remember very well. This is frustrating, because it's hard to tell an interesting story when you can't remember half the details and every other line is me going 'I think there was a giant purple elephant somewhere, but I don't remember very well' though admittedly there are no giant purple elephants in this dream. I don't think there have been any giant purple elephants in any of my dreams, actually. Maybe that'll change tonight, though.

So this floaty red ball thing was making this noise and following me around, and somehow this is supposed to be creepy, yes? Well, it may not sound creepy yet, but I haven't even gotten to what this thing did when it caught up to you. Just knowing what it did scared the crap out of me, because these things pretty much ended you. If one caught up to you, you were gone. End of story.

So anyway, I'm wandering around through this haunted house, which was strangely light and more like an office or school or hospital building or some weird kind of combination with a bunch of rooms and parallel hallways crossing at right angles and stuff like a hashtag, except it was more like a square of nine hashtags or something. Here's a helpful visual:


...Except imagine that the vertical lines are actually going at right angles and meeting up with each other like the horizontal ones. And that there's no space in between any of that.

Now, the floaty red ball thing wasn't alone. It had friends, and those friends were all doing the same thing: following people that were in the haunted house and doing their scary floaty red ball thing. So I go into the haunted house with my parents (not sure why they were there, but oh well) and one starts coming after me. I run to try and avoid it, then come across another one that's on the floor. It's not red or glowy, though. It's just a little metal machine thing on the floor. Once it senses my presence, it activates and begins to float, but I grab it and deactivate it before it can do anything.

Yeah. Apparently the little glowing red floaty ball things are machines. Go figure.

It's around this point that I realize that what the red floaty things actually do is transport people back to the beginning of the haunted house. Which, now that I think about it, is exactly what the creepy hand things (wallmaster or whatever) in Zelda games do. Only those things still scare the hell out of me, and when I realized that the glowy red ball things weren't doing anything as horrible as I thought they were, I was a little confused as to why they were horrible things that needed to be avoided at all costs or else your life would turn into a living nightmare or something. They were still scary to me, though, so I snuck up on a second one and grabbed it before it could really do anything, then took both of them into a storage room that had some of my stuffed animals in it for some reason. I stuck the glowy things under a blanket where they wouldn't be able to see anybody (yeah, pretty pathetic scary things if they can be outwitted by a blanket) and grabbed as many of my stuffed animals as I could without getting too close to the things. Then I left the room and went to find my dad, who was in some random room with a projector and there was some video playing for some reason. At that point I was kind of confused as to what there was to do in the haunted house because it wasn't really all that scary. And then I woke up.

I guess I probably shouldn't get a job designing haunted houses. Not even my subconscious can make them scary. Which is weird, because I'm used to having really freaky shit happen in my dreams.

Then, either last night or the night before, I had another weird dream. I have braces, see, and an expander which is still doing its expander work, so the braces are just kind of there for me to get used to them until my upper jaw's wide enough to start doing all the straightening work. Which means there are no wires on my braces and the brackets are kind of just sitting on my teeth for show. And to get caught on the inside of my cheeks, which is both painful and annoying because it's hard to undo without sticking a finger in my mouth.

The thing with braces is that you have to be careful about what foods you eat. Hard or sticky foods can potentially make a bracket fall off, and I've had a few incidents where I bite into food and get a massive jolt of pain going through my molars, followed by a horrible panicky feeling before I feel the braces on those teeth with my tongue and make sure they're all still in place. Therefore, it's only natural that I would have a dream about losing a bracket.

The first time I had that dream was before the weird, failtastic haunted house dream, and it was kind of like those dreams where you feel one of your teeth coming loose or one falls out or something. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then consider yourself lucky. Those dreams are fucking freaky, and having the same kind of dream about your braces is incredibly unsettling.

The second time, the one that happened last night or the night before, was strange in its own right, though. The dream started out the same way the other one did - I noticed suddenly that the brackets on my front teeth were missing, and I freaked out because I didn't want my orthodontist to get mad at me for not being careful even though I've been ridiculously careful and obsessive about brushing my teeth ever since I got this stuff in my mouth, but then I remembered something. I remembered that I'd dreamt about losing brackets a few nights earlier. And I realized that I was probably dreaming and that my brackets would all still be in place once I woke up. So I tried to wake myself up.

Granted, I didn't manage to wake myself up, and I don't remember the rest of the dream after that so I can't really say whether things turned out all right in dream land after that epiphany, but it's still weird. This is the second time in my life where I've actually realized I was dreaming before I woke up, and now that I think about it, both times are when I was dreaming about something relatively realistic. The first was about dropping a book in the bathtub, and then there's the brackets dream. That dream where I rode a weird escalator with geometrically shaped neon lights on the sides and ended up in a giant arena fighting a giant orange that turned into a robot while the arena floor caught on fire and I somehow gained the ability to jump like twenty feet in the air and just sat on the arena wall or something until I woke up? Didn't realize I was dreaming. The dream where there's this guy who wants to get this kid who ends up hiding in dorms and then going for a big final attack and Cyclops from X-Men kills Jack Harkness and it's like a weird video game with Hoothoot from Pokémon and the main character is a squirrel or something? Yeah, didn't realize that one was a dream, either. But the two realistic dreams that occur right around the time when I have a legitimate reason to worry about doing what happens in them? THESE ARE OBVIOUSLY DREAMS, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I really need to start writing a dream diary.

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