Daily Story 41 - Ladder Lamp

Once upon a time a strong young man worked on a farm as a lumberjack. Evidently there were a lot of trees that needed cutting on this farm, as the lumberjack worked there for a very long time. He would chop down trees, cut them into logs, and bring the wood up to the barn to store for when the farmer's family needed firewood. He would climb the ladder into the barn loft and stack the logs in the far corner. There they would rest until it was time to be used.

This man worked late into the nights sometimes, and he would bring a lamp with him to light his way from the forest to the barn loft. While he stacked logs in the far corner, the lamp and the ladder would tell each other stories of days long past, and over time, they slowly began to fall in love.

One day, the lumberjack stopped coming into work. He had finished his job on the farm, and he took his lamp with him to his new workplace, leaving the ladder alone with only one thing to remember its dear lamp. Not long after the lumberjack had left for good, the ladder gave birth to a shining little ladder that looked so much like the lamp that the ladder could not bear to let the poor thing out of its sight. Now there are two ladders in that barn, and one provides illumination as long as one hits the switch on the side.

Daily Story 18 - Piney the Pineapple

Piney the Pineapple was a very special pineapple indeed. She was brave and courageous, and she had big googly eyes glued onto her so that she could see. She appeared in strange places and appeared to always be staring at whoever happened to notice her. Most importantly, she was able to communicate through thought.

Piney wanted nothing more than to live a happy life, one that she could look back on and smile. Of course, since she had no mouth, it would be her eyes that smiled, which is entirely possible in a metaphorical sense. She wanted to find a man who would love her, one who would caress her prickly pineapple skin and whisper sweet nothings in her metaphorical ear. She wanted to go on grand adventures and sweet, simple dates in the park, to experience life and love and happiness in ways that only the truly lucky and blessed were able to experience it. Most importantly, however, she wanted to live this life with the man of her dreams.

Unfortunately, due to her unusual condition of being a sentient pineapple with googly eyes, Piney found it difficult to meet such a man. There were no such men in the world of pineapples and other fresh fruits, and other food groups were simply incompatible, so after a year or so of fruitless searching, she turned her gaze toward human men.

At first, her search met nothing but dead ends. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and one dark, rainy morning Piney realized she had been searching for nearly two years with very poor results. No decent man had been willing to believe that she was a sentient pineapple, and chose instead to check into the nearest mental institute. The few men who did believe her were cruel, abusive men who only wanted her to serve their selfish needs. Piney had never experienced such heartless abuse as she did before she left the last, and worst, of these men in the dead of night. She soon found herself wandering a nearby park, considering her options and wondering whether she should just call it quits. Even the weather seemed to be telling her to quit before she sank too far into despair.

However, just before she made her decision, she heard a voice. This was no normal voice - rather, to Piney it seemed to be the voice of an angel. She listened as she heard a man calling, "No, Fido, leave the pineapple alone!"

Fido was a small dog, though he appeared to be gigantic in Piney's eyes. Fido stopped short of Piney and stared at her with desire in his big, brown eyes, while a man ran up behind him and knelt down to pick Piney up off the ground.

Thank you, good sir, for stopping your dog, Piney said to the man.

The man stared down at Piney in confusion. "What the hell?"

I am Piney, a sentient pineapple. I know not how I came into being, but I am searching for a man who will share his life with me, Piney said. Would you be that man?

"Um... sure? Wait a minute, is this some kind of hidden camera show?"

Not at all, Piney said. I am simply a lonely pineapple in need of a friend.

"Well... Okay, I guess it'd be nice to have someone at home besides Fido," the man said.

Oh, thank you, Piney said, and the man carried her home with Fido at his heels. It is unclear why this kind man was so accepting of Piney's unusual nature, but one might argue that it is in the very nature of true love that one might easily overlook these slight differences of shape. And thus, Piney the Pineapple found true happiness for the first time in her life.